new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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