why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
