I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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