Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
