it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
no, he came in my armpit
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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