she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
