how can u be prego again
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
