Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
