I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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