her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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