I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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