If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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