I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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