While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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