I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
