forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am one with the molecules
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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