How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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