just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
