oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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