Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
