kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
