idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Green mimosas i think yes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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