We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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