She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
