I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
