if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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