i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
