a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
