4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
