What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
