I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
