I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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