the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
