I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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