i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
