did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
