with your own penis?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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