just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
