I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
