We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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