We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
