I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
