I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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