Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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