Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
