if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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