you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize