if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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