My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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