i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
