peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Someone signed my nipple.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
