you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
