filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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