home. puking in laundry basket.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
