Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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