I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
