maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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