Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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