i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
