I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
