I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
