I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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