you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
