South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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